I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
