hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
