Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
