Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
