I bet he comes in French.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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