I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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