If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
