8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
