so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
