well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
