So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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