dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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