Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
