Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
