I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
