I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
