so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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