Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
