So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
