when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
