We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
