he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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