We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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