oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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