I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
