I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I died a long time ago.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
