well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
