1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
