I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
