dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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