i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
