just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this will be a night to untag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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