OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
