I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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