and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When are your genitals available?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
