I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
