I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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