I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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