the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
