I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
