All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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