i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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