Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
