Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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