Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
