i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
