this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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