either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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