here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
