I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
