I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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