It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
