Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
