i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The maid of honor just puked.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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